I am wondering why toilet paper only comes in one size. And I’m not talking about one ply or two ply. How come homes can’t have super size rolls like in public bathrooms? I’m not too keen on the roughness of public bathroom TP, but imagine a huge roll of say…Charmin or Cottonelle? I go through about one roll of Cottonelle in about 3- 4 days. If I have a house guest, that time gets cut in half. And if I’m not feeling well, then, um…Anyways, a super size roll in the home would be fantastic! I mean, how annoying is it when you’re doing your business and the roll runs out! Is there a new roll near by? How the hell do I put the roll on the holder, etc. Someone needs to seriously start marketing designer super size TP holders for home bathrooms. It would cut down on a lot of wasted time changing TP rolls. I mean come on, seriously.

I think I’m becoming a weird cat/animal person….and I don’t even have an animal. I’ve started emailing my friends and colleagues cute cat pictures and youtube videos. What is wrong with me! I swear, up until about 5 months ago I hated, I repeat- HATED cats. (one day I’ll tell my evil cat story) I’ve always been more of a “dog person”. Although, I can’t fathom having my own dog because I would be forced to pick up its shit. I had a dog growing up but she “went” in her designated poopy area in the backyard. No pooper scooping for me. I will also mention I am not too hip on cleaning up cat litter either. But something has changed inside. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and need to pop out a kid soon (I don’t know)….But now whenever I see a dog or a cat (and yes sometimes a small child) I turn into super mushy Sipora. It’s disgusting. I disgust myself. I can actually see myself owning a little critter. But alas, my studio apartment is too small. There’s no place for a litter box. And no I’m not putting one in my bathroom or kitchen. No thanks on the shit/piss smell. So I guess I will have to wait a few more years, when I get a bigger apartment or a house. Maybe, in the meantime, I will fulfill my original idea and get a…newt.

Cat Spanking

I felt so “New Yorker Cool” today. About a month ago I was walking around the Upper East Side and this young guy stops me on the street. Now I usually get pissed off when people stop me, ask me for directions, etc, because I’m usually wearing my headset listening to music. Why don’t they stop and ask someone else who is not “busy”. Anyway, this dude stops me. He doesn’t have a bag with him (which is odd for any New Yorker not to have, especially in rush hour), but he’s dressed pretty normal. So, he stops me and starts talking. I take off my headset and give the “what the hell do you want with a smile” look.  I honestly don’t remember exactly what the hell he was saying but it was along the lines of- “Hi…how are you” (taking his sweet time) “I’m not from around here blah blah blah and need bus fare” This is when it hits me- This A-hole is just hustling me. Taking advantage of a sweet young lady! He just wants my money! I then smile, say “sorry” and walk away. Ugh. OY So what happened today?!! I was walking again on the Upper East Side with my headset on and this very same dude walks up to me, in the very same – “Hello miss, how are you” manner. What did I do? I looked at him, recognized him, put my hand up, shook my head, and walked away….without removing the headset. Damn hustler! But I felt so cool that I already knew his little trick. Like, – Bitch, don’t fuck with me. I’m a fast talking, fast walking New Yorker!